Saturday, July 24, 2010


Dear Jimmy,

My love for you is unconditional as a blood brothers love should be. I've worried about you and prayed to my God asking him for an answer that would relieve all your miseries. I've meditated for hours upon hours trying to figure out a way to help put you back in command of your life. If there was anyway possible I'd step into your ora and straighten out all your problems for you, both you and I know that's impossible even though my intentions are sincere. Even though I really want to help you I can't allow myself to be misguided by compassion and shield you from the reality of your brunt errors. To do this would cause devastating results subsidizing failure. Let's face it Jim you are my brother and I don't want to see you fail.

Even though I'd gladly change places with you it wouldn't work because in my new role I'd find success and in your new role you'd fail. It's the hard truth that I'm telling you and I hope it's not to late for you to listen to me.

Through all my meditation and prayer it's become plain to me, that if you're ever going to find happiness, peace and serenity it's all up to you. You have to take complete control of your life and be the master of your own destiny. My doing this for you would only eliminate all your incentive and go against human nature. To give you love in the form of protection and comfort just might be the wrong thing to do.

You've been stumbling, falling and out of control for a very long time and I know you've sought help from a good many sources. Nothing has worked because you've been looking in all the wrong places. Motivation classes, treatment centers and all kinds of therapy are not the answer for you. The answer is so simple and I know you'll baulk when I give it to you. But listen to me anyway Jim, I've been there and I know.

The first thing you're are going to have to do, and I know you'll strongly resist, is re-except the God that you know. Once this is done then you can again become the master in control of your life. It's almost impossible to do this without God on your side and very improbable.

Being the master means you except responsibility for all things that have happened to you. Regardless of what has happened in your life except the fact that it was you that made it possible. No matter what our stance is in life, we are there because we were or we were not in command. I love you Jimmy but my unconditional love isn't enough, I have to be strong enough and relentless enough to give you strong and true love.

With a little common sense and a whole lot of faith all things are possible. Somewhere in the Bible there's a scripture that reads; "Be not deceived, God shall not be mocked, for whatsoever a man soweth, that he shall also reap.’ And again it tutors, ‘in the furnace of affliction I shall refine thee." There's your answer Jimmy, you're a person with much more then average intelligence so you know dam well that I'm right.

I Love You Jim, Your Big Brother Cash


My brother Jim took his life because he was tired of trying. My letter was found in his mailbox unopened.


My brother Jim lives in heaven completing a mission for our God all mighty. I love him dearly and occasionally I visualize his existence. I talk to him as I’d talk to you and it is real to me. When I don’t see him sometimes I write him letters to let him know how much I miss him. I travel beyond the realm of my imagination.

Dear Jim,

It was really a pleasure talking to you today. Believe me Jim, it made my day. I am looking forward to your visit next weekend, it will be great to have you share your presence with me and my four legged family.

This message should give you an idea of my inner most feelings. I hope you understand where I'm coming from.

I am fully aware that I do not understand many of lives circumstances, self-disclosure helps me to see things, feel things, imagine things, hope for things that I could never have thought possible. The invitation to transparency, then, is really an invitation to authenticity. It is also an invitation to allow myself to be vulnerable.

When I allow my love ones to see me for who I really am , I am less afraid I will be rejected in the future. When my friends and love ones accept and love me unconditionally I know I will never have to hide in the relationship in the future.

To have inner peace it is necessary to be consistently loving in what I think, in what I say and in what I do. I think thoughts of love. I speak words of love. I demonstrate unconditional love for my love ones in all that I do.

Openness means being willing to communicate my deepest feelings. There can be no intimacy without conversation. The only way my friends and love ones and I can truly communicate is to tell the truth. Truthful communication moves real love and creates a condition of unity, love and satisfaction.

For intimacy to grow in a healthy relationship there can be no withholding; feelings - both positive and negative - feelings must be shared equally . The act of withholding the truth is always potentially a lie.

The energy required for the self-discipline of honesty is far less than the energy required for withholding. I am dedicated to the truth and live in the open and through the exercise of courage to live in the open, I become free from fear. Fear cannot exist whenever insight is valued above feeling frightened.

I listen when you share without making judgment. My heart is always open to hear what you have to say. A good relationship is that in which each appoints the other guardian of his solitude.

God bless you Jim, as I look, feel and cry for your presence.

Unconditionally yours, Big Brother Cash


  1. Dear William,
    My heart goes out to you for the loss of your brother. It is always the hardest day for us when it is the very day that we lost them to their own self destruction.
    I think that you probably remember that my Father also took his life because he lost is left leg to amputation and was facing amputation on Monday of the right leg. He sold his car on Saturday which should have alerted my step-mother about what he was about to do. I received a message from my Uncle in a dream telling me to get up and call my Father because he needed me. It was 5:00 am when I woke up and went downstairs and held the phone on my lap waiting for my Father to get up to call him. I fell asleep with the phone in my lap. I was awakened later by a phone call from my Sister telling me that my Father had taken his walker and shot gun out into their back yard in the Country and shot himself in the head. He had to pull the trigger twice to end the pain.
    I blamed myself for many years for not calling him when I was warned that he needed me. Knowing my Father, who never stayed home or sat still enjoyed driving from Farm to Farm and stopping at the small Bars and having a bottle of Beer.
    He loved people and made them feel special by looking deep into your eyes and listening to their every word you said. I now understand that he would have taken his life even if I had called him. If he hadn't done it that day he would have before surgery. He couldn't stand to stay put and having his left leg took a lot out of his wanting to live anymore. He couldn't have stood to be bound for life to live in a wheel chair. I talk to my Father too, especially when I am outside. He was a Hunter, Fisherman and loved searching for mushrooms in the woods. He lived off of the land eating what he took. Yes, he was an alcoholic but the happiest alcoholic that I have ever known. You couldn't tell that he was drunk, he was always just the same. His downfall was women and Beer. His love of his life was the three of us girls that he had. If I thought of him he would call or just be standing there knocking at my door. I worshiped my Father with all of my heart and still to this day I wish that I could bring back that day to call him and just had another day to spend with him. I feel his love and presence around me a lot especially when I am outside working in the yard, hiking, going trail riding or even fishing which was one of his favorite things to do. He was a sucessful man and spent most of his life on the Ocean and retired from the Merchant Marines. I miss you Dad and love you still with my whole heart. It will be a wonderful reunion when I pass over and you can hold me in your arms like a child once again.
    I am sorry if I got carried away with my reminincing about my loving Father. I know just how you felt about your Brother Jimmy that you lost. Dad would never stop drinking and developed gangrene in his feet and legs from Diabetes, Heart Attacks and many Strokes before he decided to end all of the pain. I can't say that I blame him. I forgive him for leaving me because I couldn't imagine sitting in a wheel chair all my life knowing that at any time I could die of a Heart Attack or a Stroke. I think he just thought that his time had come and he became the Master of his Fate. I forgive you Dad and I send you my love.
    Tamara Lesley

  2. William...I am sure Jimmy listens intently to every word, and I know he regrets not reading your letter. Your words are of love and life and truth and surely when read fill voids and heal many imperfect and broken souls. You will share a place beside your brother when you deeds here are finished...God loves you and so do anyone who reads you.... Hugs L





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Given on this special day so that you will know not only today ... but every day ... that My love grows stronger with each passing moment! YOU are my life, my dreams, my hopes and my desires all wrapped up in one little package and I love this package with all of my heart!